I agree with Rob Bell's assessment. Our relationships with those who do not follow Christ are oftentimes agenda driven, and it is a turn off.
So what do we do?
This is a complicated question, but one suggestion might be from N.T. Wright's book The Challenge of Jesus. The book came out in 1999.
So I'm behind.
The story of my life. In my world Seinfeld is not in syndication and the dollar theater shows first run films.
Anyway here are two quotes ripped out of context, but hopefully they will inspire you to read the book (that is why I chose the one with the word sex in it.) Sorry, I can't summarize the book for you. I would do it a great disservice in doing so.
There are no Cliff's Notes. I checked.
What is the key to help us to translate Jesus' message into our own?
The key is that humans are made in the image of God. . . . And
bearing God's image is not just a fact, it is a vocation. . . . It means being made for relationship, for stewardship, for worship--or, to put
it more vividly, for sex, gardening and God."
"Your task is to find the symbolic ways of doing things differently, planting flags in hostile soil, setting up signposts that say there is a different way to be human. And when people are puzzled at what you are doing, find ways--fresh ways--of telling the story of the return of the human race from its exile, and use those stories as your explanation."