Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Pregnancy Story

I was inspired by Shelley to record this.

I was in my second semester of teaching English at Haltom Middle School when the guidance counselor stopped me in the hallway and asked, "So when are you and your husband going to have kids?" Now I didn't really know him that well. Even now, I can't recall his name, nor can I remember a single conversation that I had ever had with him before that time. So I thought it was strange that he should ask. And I told him, "Oh, we are going to wait. Maybe in five years. We have two cats and they haven't turned out so well, so we're just not sure about kids at this point."

The next day he stopped me again and asked, "Why are you waiting? Kids are great! If I had known how much fun kids were we'd have had them much sooner." I (while thinking--why are we having this converation?) replied, "We want to travel. I want to get a few years of teaching under my belt. We'll see."

But this time he had stopped me on the way to the bathroom because my stomach was bothering me and I didn't know why. And mainly because of that conversation (and not because of my stomach) I bought a pregnancy test. I had not said anything to Eric, because I had had "pregnancy scares" before and nothing ever came of it. But this is the first time I'd ever actually gone out and bought a pregnancy test.

And it turned out positive.

I thought I was going to die. All of the sudden our five year plan was a one year plan, and when I walked into the bedroom there were two very spoiled, very overweight cats shedding their thick coats onto our clean bed sheets reminding me of my inability to raise disciplined "children" (they really are only "our children" until we actually have children--then they are just cats).

Then I walked into our living room. NFC conference championship game was on TV and Eric had gone into the kitchen to get more food, but he quickly came out of it when I turned off the T.V.

He didn't say anything, because he was utterly shocked, shocked that I would turn off such an important game. I remember that look and I remember thinking, "Oh, you poor man. I am about to deliver you some news that will drastically change your entire life. And we are both clearly not prepared for it."

"We need to talk." He still seemed upset about my turning off the T.V.

"I'm pregnant."

He took the news pretty well. And he genuinely looked excited even if he was shocked as well. He hugged me. And then we sat on the couch and finished watching the football game.

Honestly I wish I could say I was overjoyed at the prospect of having our first child, especially when I know so many that try for so very long for a child and one does not come. But I have a tendency to be a little selfish (though having kids helps to make us less so), and so mostly, I felt overwhelmed.

It has been over five years from that day, and I can happily write that I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Honestly, I can't imagine life without my children. I'm the kind of person who has a tendency to procrastinate. No doubt, I'd still think we were not "ready" for kids. And in fact, there are still times I think I'm not ready for kids. But last night when Caleb and I drank hot chocolate with marshmellows by the fire and talked about our day and the blessings God had given us, I definitely counted him as one of the greatest I'd recieved.

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