Thursday, January 19, 2006

This is probably Top Secret

I'm probably not supposed to say anything, but I think that I and my fellow boot camp members are training for elite operations in Kandahar.

Anyway, I have three clues. The first of which is Kandahar (Where is Kandahar?) I overheard my boot camp instructor who has a barbed wire tattoo around his ankle that he tries to conceal by long pants (a dead give away) say, "Kandahar." He was speaking to someone who cuts hair at my fancy schmancy gym and he could have said, "Can of hair" but again. I remind you. The tattoo.

You might think that no one would recruit a bunch of women working off baby weight from a gym that also offers aromatherapy pedicures. Of course that is what you think! That is exactly what they are hoping you (and everybody else) will think.

Clue number two: I saw that apparatus (pictured above) in the gym's janitorial closet, but, okay, it could have been a vacuum cleaner.

That aside, the real kicker is this: I saw the same exercise routine we did in the gym this morning on a news program about an elite unit operating in . . . you got it--Kandahar, or did they say Canton? I get confused because their maneuvers looked strikingly similar to those I saw one time at Canton being performed by a couple of women vying for the last flower arrangement that was at a rock bottom price in a booth next to someone selling ginzu knives--dangerous stuff. Any woman who can emerge from a Canton clearance booth on household decorative items in popular shades of butternut and shimmering coral unscathed with all the flowers in tact can easily handle reconnaissance missions on the level of those attempted only by hardened Marine Commandos on their fourth tour to Iraq. After all some women go to Canton every month.

Regardless, judging by the intensity of the workout, we are probably leaving tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted.

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