We could be moving to Australia. This is a recent development as of Thursday. If it happens, Eric will probably leave Monday.
And so here we are having to make monumental, life-altering decisions at a moments notice.
When I was in college I had this job where I would go to a town in another state and literally go door to door looking for a place to live. Eventually, if you asked enough people, someone would have a basement room or garage apartment for you to stay in. But still, at the beginning of the summer, every year, I would leave Texas with a sort of pit in my stomach because I didn't really know where I would live. I had that same feeling last night. So many decisions need to be made and rolling dice seems like as good a way to make them as any.
Right now Eric and I are trying to decide if we want to sell, lease, just leave our house. Five days ago, if you had asked me, I'd have said we were in this house at least until the kids graduate from college. Now, well, who knows.
Perhaps God led me to fast to show me that giving things up seems very daunting at first, but once we do let them go, it isn't so bad.
But if this is where God wants us . . . I don't know, maybe God's will isn't this narrow thing. Maybe God's will allows us a number of options. Ever wondering if we took the right fork in the road isn't freedom. Perhaps part of living in freedom is knowing that in these matters there are any number of turns we could take. Perhaps God doesn't always urge us to go to a specific place, or job, or person. Perhaps sometimes he just says, "Go. You have nothing to fear. I love you. I've made an entire universe for you. Act in my will, but my will is freedom."
Right now the hardest part is not the trusting God with my life part, but the trusting him with the lives of those I love. There is the very real possibility that we would leave and say a very final goodbye to people we dearly love. But this is always the case and never the case. My grandfather, so perfectly healthy in heart and soul, is not healthy in body. Fortunately--and as I type this my hands are shaking and I need to keep tears from getting between the keys--we don't say final goodbyes to his soul and spirit. All that being said, my Granddad's body keeps defying the odds and he is still with us.
Anyway, it looks more and more as if we are moving. And we could certainly use your prayers.